[Fenimore doesn't answer immediately. Her first instinct is to say no. She doesn't really want to talk about it. In the four and a half years she's been in Luceti, she's kept this part of her a secret from nearly everyone -- the only two people she'd told anything to had already pieced together enough to guess most of it, and they'd just come off a shift wherein they'd believed that they were family for over a week. And it had been a far less charged moment when she had. For most people, she would take the opportunity to say no.
But...this was Rei. Rei, who always spoke the truth and had shared one of her most important secrets with her. Rei, who had told her that she thought of Fenimore as honest. Most importantly, Rei, who she loves. There's a part of Fenimore, a part that she's let decide a lot of her actions, that wants to only show Rei her best sides to impress her. But there's also a part of her that knows that that only works for so long. If she tries to hide this, it's not going to get fixed. Maybe a part of her -- a fairly large part, if she's honest with herself -- wants to do these things with Rei because it feels wonderful and she is extremely attracted to her, but there's also that part that wants to become closer to Rei and become more intimate. That second part isn't going to work if she keeps holding back so much of herself. And, in the long run, neither is their relationship. And she wants it to work. If she really loves Rei, and if she wants Rei to really love her, she can't keep all of her secrets.
It's still really hard, though.]
I -- it's hard to -- I don't really know how to say it.
[She'd tensed a little when Rei laid her hands on her forearms, but that tension is easing out. It is comforting, as is Rei's expression, though she keeps changing from meeting Rei's eyes to looking away and then back again.]
It's just...I didn't really want you to see my scars. The ones you did, and the ones you haven't seen yet. They make me feel -- like there's something wrong with me. I try to pretend they're not there, but when you touched them -- I can't. And I feel...ugly.
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But...this was Rei. Rei, who always spoke the truth and had shared one of her most important secrets with her. Rei, who had told her that she thought of Fenimore as honest. Most importantly, Rei, who she loves. There's a part of Fenimore, a part that she's let decide a lot of her actions, that wants to only show Rei her best sides to impress her. But there's also a part of her that knows that that only works for so long. If she tries to hide this, it's not going to get fixed. Maybe a part of her -- a fairly large part, if she's honest with herself -- wants to do these things with Rei because it feels wonderful and she is extremely attracted to her, but there's also that part that wants to become closer to Rei and become more intimate. That second part isn't going to work if she keeps holding back so much of herself. And, in the long run, neither is their relationship. And she wants it to work. If she really loves Rei, and if she wants Rei to really love her, she can't keep all of her secrets.
It's still really hard, though.]
I -- it's hard to -- I don't really know how to say it.
[She'd tensed a little when Rei laid her hands on her forearms, but that tension is easing out. It is comforting, as is Rei's expression, though she keeps changing from meeting Rei's eyes to looking away and then back again.]
It's just...I didn't really want you to see my scars. The ones you did, and the ones you haven't seen yet. They make me feel -- like there's something wrong with me. I try to pretend they're not there, but when you touched them -- I can't. And I feel...ugly.