[Fenimore's breath quickens just slightly at the shoulder contact. When she is deep into thinking about the harder parts of her past, she often finds physical contact hard. It isn't that she doesn't find it comforting -- it is -- but it's easier to deal with her feelings about that time if she remains distant and prickly, even if Rei is on the fairly short list of people she is more physically affectionate with. Still, this time, she's trying to be open about her past, rather than trying to pretend it doesn't exist like usual, so she tries to take comfort from the solidarity rather than shying away from it. She rests a little of her weight against Rei's shoulder -- just enough for the motion to be felt as a way of communicating that she appreciates the gesture despite the small amount of tension it brings. It's just hard to reverse years of pushing people away when it comes to this part of her past.
Her head remains bowed at first as she listens to Rei's response, but she raises it quickly when Rei says that she'd fought off the droids, staring at her girlfriend with eyes slightly wider than usual. She knew that it had been done in the past, since a couple of such fights had been mentioned over the journals, but she'd been too wary to look into what happened, so she'd assumed this to be sufficiently rare an occurance for only the most powerful people in Luceti and so wouldn't ever have anything to do with her. This sudden reassurance that she might be able to be saved from such a thing is almost shocking. It may still be a "might," but it's not an empty might when Rei has done it before and, while she's tried to keep from thinking about it, the mallynaps have been a low-level fear in the back of her head since the one time it had happened to her.
The surprise is enough to at least partially break through her instincts to close off from comfort about this, leaving her more open to the shoujo speech where she might have otherwise let most of it wash over her. It allows it to touch her more deeply than it might otherwise have, and it takes her some time to reply. She doesn't want to risk even the chance of crying, however moved she might be. When she does reply, she looks away slightly.]
...I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to come to terms with it. I don't know if I'm even ready to start trying to move past it yet. Talking about it -- even thinking about it hurts.
[She is at least admitting to the possibility of working on it, which is in itself an improvement from her steadfast refusal to get therapy like Grune insists whenever she gets her memories back because Fenimore is the worst role model ever please do not be following her unhealthy methods of dealing with trauma. She doesn't say anything for a moment, but then she leans against Rei and squeezes her hand. She kind of wants to hug Rei, but she's not ready just yet. She needs to settle her feelings more. This much contact, though, she can and wants to take. Her voice is a little thick as she continues, very moved, but the little dampness of her eyes is quickly blinked away.]
But...thank you. I'm so grateful that you're -- [So accepting? So loving? Fenimore struggles through adjectives, trying to find the right word for her feelings, but she can't find the right one now. In the end, she gives up finding the right word.] I'm so glad you're you. I love you, too. I really, really love you.
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Her head remains bowed at first as she listens to Rei's response, but she raises it quickly when Rei says that she'd fought off the droids, staring at her girlfriend with eyes slightly wider than usual. She knew that it had been done in the past, since a couple of such fights had been mentioned over the journals, but she'd been too wary to look into what happened, so she'd assumed this to be sufficiently rare an occurance for only the most powerful people in Luceti and so wouldn't ever have anything to do with her. This sudden reassurance that she might be able to be saved from such a thing is almost shocking. It may still be a "might," but it's not an empty might when Rei has done it before and, while she's tried to keep from thinking about it, the mallynaps have been a low-level fear in the back of her head since the one time it had happened to her.
The surprise is enough to at least partially break through her instincts to close off from comfort about this, leaving her more open to the shoujo speech where she might have otherwise let most of it wash over her. It allows it to touch her more deeply than it might otherwise have, and it takes her some time to reply. She doesn't want to risk even the chance of crying, however moved she might be. When she does reply, she looks away slightly.]
...I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to come to terms with it. I don't know if I'm even ready to start trying to move past it yet. Talking about it -- even thinking about it hurts.
[She is at least admitting to the possibility of working on it, which is in itself an improvement from her steadfast refusal to get therapy like Grune insists whenever she gets her memories back because Fenimore is the worst role model ever please do not be following her unhealthy methods of dealing with trauma. She doesn't say anything for a moment, but then she leans against Rei and squeezes her hand. She kind of wants to hug Rei, but she's not ready just yet. She needs to settle her feelings more. This much contact, though, she can and wants to take. Her voice is a little thick as she continues, very moved, but the little dampness of her eyes is quickly blinked away.]
But...thank you. I'm so grateful that you're -- [So accepting? So loving? Fenimore struggles through adjectives, trying to find the right word for her feelings, but she can't find the right one now. In the end, she gives up finding the right word.] I'm so glad you're you. I love you, too. I really, really love you.