faithfulflame | Fifth Prayer: Loss

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Fifth Prayer: Loss

[She'd just checked Usagi's room, and it was empty. Nothing remained of Sailor Moon save for a half-empty bucket of pudding just sitting in the fridge. With a cry of frustration, the normally reserved miko took it out and hurled it at the trash bin, chocolate oozing down the wall. This was just too much. First Ami, then that awful Apep creature taking Sabriel, and now Usagi!

Her friends would need to be told, of course. So, a few minutes later a Voice transmission pops out over the journals. Rei's voice is tight and controlled, but there's definitely an undercurrent of sadness]

I'm sorry to inform everyone that Tsukino Usagi-san has been sent home by the Malnosso.

Please think of her fondly, and wish her luck.

Should anyone wish to make a formal prayer for her, I will be available to help with that, so please contact me via the journal.

[Closing the feed, Rei picks up her journal and heads out to the little tent shrine she, Ami, and Usagi had put together months before, lighting a flame on the brazier with Eferin and preparing several prayer strips of her own for her friend and Sailor Moon. She burns them, and sends her wishes to the other girl, whereever she might be]

Be well, Usagi-chan.

(OOC: Feel free to respond via voice, or find Rei at her little hideaway)

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Dresden-san.

[Its about all she can make herself say. She knew Harry, intimately so, and while she didn't like it, she knew she could trust him. And that was awkward. A really, REALLY odd thing to say, but she just needs someone. She slips up a filter and actually allows some severe sarcasm to drip into her tone. Nobody needed to hear this.]

What do you think? Seriously. Do you think I'm alright? You of all people...you know what Usagi-chan meant to me.

"I do, that's why I asked. I also don't like pushing, so I wanted it to be your call."

I sighed.

"I was serious. If there's anything I can do, just say the word."

I...could use just...

[She doesn't want to say it. Dammit Harry, why are you so clueless. Something sensible then. Not just someone around, but...something Harry would understand.]

Chocolate.

"On it. See you in fifteen."

Without waiting for a response, I flipped the book shut, grabbed a canvas tote bag and headed to the store.

Fifteen minutes later, I was in front of her door- the place was a lot less daunting without a chocolate moat- and knocking. I had grabbed one of everything I could find that was chocolate, chocolate-ish, chocolate-like, or even smelled of chocolate.

Somehow I figured the chocolate wasn't the point, but I doubted she'd object.

[Not the point at all, but she wont turn it down. When he knocks, Rei opens the door a crack and beckons him in. Yea, she looks like hell. And so does the house. The kitchen has a bit of pudding oozing down the wall, a parting thank you from the Malnosso. And her face? Red, puffy, and looks in general like she's been crying her guts out.]

T-t-thank you.

"Sounded like you needed it."

I gave her a weak smile. Remembering her soul and imagining the impact was one thing, but seeing the actual girl in front of me, broken and straining to hold in the pain... it was different. my first instinct was to hug her... but at this point, I was legitimately up in the air about whether she'd appreciate it or see it as threatening. Instead, I handed her the chocolate as I walked inside.

I...I do.

[She accepts the chocolate and sort of wobbles into the kitchen, putting it on the counter. She turns and shakes her head sadly]

You know, I...I'm sorry you never got to...see her. Usagi-chan would have liked you. And she'd have liked the...the idea of you keeping her...safe too.

... Oh. Hell.

That... was not quite what I had expected.

"Thank you. That... it's an honor."

Okay. Well. Hell. What do you say to not be an ass and make the sad girl feel better?

What would Michael do? ... Well, shit. He'd offer some gentle words of wisdom that would make it all seem okay. I was fresh out of those. Father Forthill would do the same, but with chocolate and sandwiches. I already had the chocolate, and I didn't want to poison the kid with my cooking.

My heart bled for her, it really did. Usagi, whatever else might be said, was free of this place. Back with her version of Rei, in her own time, where she was meant to be. Rei... was just alone. She had nothing but the knowledge that the only friends she had left were gone. I'd think Usagi got off light, really.

... There was a thought.

"Is she happy, back home? Where she comes from?"

[A thought indeed. But that...well, it brings up memories of the Dark Kingdom. The Shittenou, Beryl, Metallia. Youma. Not to mention the other dangers that Ami had told her about. The Princess, and...Mercury's own fall. And a shiver runs down Rei's spine, the girl actually wobbling in place as she stands there, her knees nearly giving out.

She catches herself on the counter, and tears just start rolling down her cheeks again.]

Shit. Shit. Shit. Not helping. God DAMMIT where was Michael when I needed him!?

"... I'm sorry."

I moved without really thinking about it, partly to catch her so she wouldn't fall and partly out of the urge to hug the poor girl that I'd been uncertain about acting on since I got here.

"Hey, I'm sorry. If... would it help if you talked about it?"

[At first, the embrace is awkward, Rei flinching at the unfamiliar touch, but at the same time its a welcome change from just being...alone. She's not sure what to make of Harry, despite knowing him as she does. The Soulgaze was still rather disorienting, but its an experience she would never, EVER wish on another person.

Either way, she lets the gigantic wizard hold her, her entire body shaking as she sobs into his shirt. This was awkward, and she hadn't wanted anyone to see her break down like this, but it was at the breaking point. She just could not hold that front up anymore. Yotsuba, Misato, Beast, and all the others who'd contacted her about Usagi's disappearance. Ami's kidnapping. Apep. Everything all bubbled up in a singularly massive sobbing fit that she could barely control. She manages to gasp out some answers between sobs, her throat still thick with bile]

I...I...sob d-d-don't k-know...

... Jesus. There was no part of me that didn't want to beat the shit out of...

... there was really nobody I could blame for this. I wanted somebody to blame, if only so I could beat the shit out of them.

I had to fight to keep my voice quiet and soothing as possible.

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to."

As I spoke, I kept my arms around her, as if I could somehow protect her from the pain, loss, and fear she felt.

Obviously I couldn't. I figure it's an inherent human instinct, to physically protect the vulnerable. Not useful here, but sometimes our instincts don't keep up with our brains.

"... I'm sorry."

[The warmth, at least, is doing her a lot of good. She doesn't really...want to let Harry keep holding her, but what else is there to do. She just clings to him, and starts talking. Her voice quivers a bit, but she manages to keep it together enough to form coherent sentences. She was NOT going to babble. Period. Not at all.]

Its...ok. T-there's a l-l-lot you don't k-know. About o-our world.

[Talking helps, so she just keeps doing it]

The-there are things. Bad t-t-things. M-m-monsters. And...worse things.

I couldn't really think of anything to say to that. After a moment, I decided it was probably better to just not talk. If she wanted to continue, she could, and if not, there would be no pressure. No accidentally triggering more pain.

I hated being so bad at this, and I found myself once again wishing Michael was here.

[In Harry's silence, Rei finds solace and continues...albeit crying a bit less]

W-we...have a duty. Destiny...and...U-u-usagi-chan has the heaviest burden. S-she has a l-lot of respons-sibility. I-it's hard, to think of her...being safe her...and then...g-going back to that. T-th-the fighting.

Oh, hell. I knew it had to be said, for her sake, but I had no idea if I could ask without upsetting her again.

"She'll have you- the rest of you, I mean, the other four- with her, right? Will you all be strong enough to face that burden?"

We...were before. I-I know. Ami-chan is from Usagi-chan's future. Thats...why she's so much older.

[Rei's face screws up into a weird, stern look like she's trying to be strong, but just can't quite keep it up. What she says next should be no surprise, though.]

I just...hate...being alone again.

Oh, hell's bells, I knew how that felt. Even without the advantage of the soulgaze, I knew that, because I'd been there. When I was not much older than her, when my adoptive father and my teenage love interest both tried to destroy my mind, and then tried to kill me, when I thought I'd killed them both protecting myself, I had nobody in the world... and then the Wardens had come for my head.

When that happens, you can tell yourself logically that you're not really alone. You can tell yourself that there will be other people in your life, and that the world around you has good people as well as bad ones, and that you'll find new friends. You know it, logically.

But you don't believe a word of it. Not in your heart.

Even now, I knew, the fact that she was relying on me was, more than anything else, an indicator of how alone she felt. She had nobody else to trust, save the man who she'd been forced to trust against her will, and that was who she had turned to for comfort.

So I tried a rational angle.

"If Ami is here, then she'll know what Usagi faces- and if she comes out of it alright. So at least you'll know. It's cold comfort, I realize, but it's something you'll know. Something you'll have closure for. That helps, a lot."

[Harry's definitely got the right of it. She spent 8 years with nobody save for a pair of crows and her grandfather. Her schoolmates barely interested her, and she just set herself apart from them. Those that weren't afraid of her, anyway. That much should be apparent. Rei's first friend was Usagi. And the link there...was everything.

So yea, Harry. Last person she wants to open up to, but...you made this bed, so you get to lie in it. She knows you and trusts you, even though it isn't her will. But you got her talking, so thats something. Her eyes've started to dry at least. ]

Ami-chan...she was kidnapped almost a month ago. I-I...know she will return. But...I don't...I don't know. The house feels s-s-so empty.

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Fifth Prayer: Loss

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